


Blessings of the Candles

by writedontfight



Series: Falsettos one-shots [10]
Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Chanukah, Hanukkah, M/M, Sad, centered around the prayers we say when we light the candles, chanukkah, however you wanna spell it, sad sad content, very Jewish!, whizzer ain't alive in this i hate to tell you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 02:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16924506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writedontfight/pseuds/writedontfight
Summary: He can see what’s missing, too. Like the specks of wax that should have melted onto the foil during the first seven nights.This is the first time he’s lighting them this year. He couldn’t bear it. He hates doing this alone.He can see what’s missing, too. Only he doesn’t need to see it. He can feel it. In every part of his body, he can feel him.





	1. Blessing of the Candles

**Author's Note:**

> For the goyim reading this: 
> 
> The italicized words are transliterated Hebrew. They're the prayers we say when we light the menorah. On most nights, we say two prayers (the first two), but we say a third on the first night, or the first night that we light the candles, even if that isn't the first night of Chanukkah.
> 
> The "shammash" is the candle in the middle of the menorah that you light the other candles with.
> 
> You are supposed to let the flames die out on their own. AKA you're definitely not supposed to blow them out.
> 
> Enjoy!

_Baruch Atah Adonai…_

 

The lights are all off. The _shammash_ is the only light in the room.

 

_Eloheinu Melech Haolam…_

 

1, 2, 3, 4. He can see pieces of the world lit up by the flames. Dimly. 5, 6, 7, 8. Melt the wax on the bottom of the _shamash._ Place it back in the center.

 

_asher kideshanu bemitzvotav…_

 

He stands back. The flames reflect off the window. He can see the menorah and the windowsill fairly well now. He can see the crinkled tin foil below the menorah, sporting a scattered golden tint from the candles’ reflection.

 

_vetzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukkah._

 

“Blessed are You, Adonai, Our God, Ruler of the universe, who has sanctified us with His commandments, and commanded us to kindle the Chanukkah light, and how faithfully I did so, year after year. And what do I get in return?”

 

_Baruch Atah Adonai…_

 

He can see what’s missing, too. Like the specks of wax that should have melted onto the foil during the first seven nights.

 

_Eloheinu Melech Haolam…_

 

This is the first time he’s lighting them this year. He couldn’t bear it. He hates doing this alone.

 

_sheasa nisim laavotenu…_

 

He can see what’s missing, too. Only he doesn’t need to see it. He can feel it. In every part of his body, he can feel him.

 

_bayamim hahem bizman hazeh._

 

“Blessed are You, Adonai, Our God, Ruler of the Universe, who performed miracles for our forefathers in those days, at this time, but who couldn’t perform a single miracle in these days, at this time, when I needed it most. When we all needed it most.”

 

_Baruch Atah Adonai…_

 

“Adonai, Our God, I want to see life and miracle and hope in these flames.”

 

_Eloheinu Melech Haolam…_

 

“Ruler of the Universe, how badly I want to see what I once did in this light.”

 

_shehecheyanu v'kiy'manu…_

 

“Adonai, Our God, Ruler of the Universe, I want to see the life and the miracle and the hope in these flames, in this light, in this warmth. I want to see what I once saw. I’m trying. But these candles, they melt, and these flames, they flicker, and this light, it burns out. And the room turns cold and it turns dark, not eight days later, but in maybe half an hour. Adonai, Our God, Ruler of the Universe, there is no miracle here, just the fading light of a dying fire.”

 

_v'higiyanu laz'man hazeh._

  
“Blessed are You, Adonai, Our God, Ruler of the universe, who has taken his life, destroyed us, and left us broken and empty on this occasion.” He stares at the candles for a while. No tears sting his eyes. He’s all dried out. “Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the Universe, but blessed I am not. And, Adonai, Our God, Ruler of the Universe, I can’t sit here and watch these flames die out. I can’t sit here and watch another flame die out. I hope you understand.” He bends over and blows out the candles, and once again, the room goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next "chapter" is this same concept written as a play cause I'm into that now. Check it out!


	2. Blessing of the Candles - Play version

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The play version of chapter 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got inspired by the original ficlet I wrote and wrote it as a play as well! I also have a version where the character names are changed and Jason doesn't exist that serves as a standalone non-fanfic piece. But I won't post that here.
> 
> "/" means that the next line starts there, AKA cutting off the first line AKA talking over each other
> 
> If a line is cut off but doesn't end with a period and the next line start with a lower-case, then that character keeps talking through the other person's interruption.

 

_ (MARVIN comes home from work to a dark apartment. No lights are on. He drops his bag by the door, takes off his coat, and drops that too. He walks over to the kitchen, takes a bottle of scotch and a glass from the cabinet, and pours himself a glass. He walks over to the menorah on the mantle downstage. He stands in front of it, staring. For a while. He sips his scotch sporadically, but doesn’t drink much of it. When he finally turns away, WHIZZER is sitting in the armchair, watching him. WHIZZER turns on a light.) _

 

WHIZZER:  You should light it tonight.

 

MARVIN:  Jason’s at Trina’s.

 

WHIZZER:  You didn’t light it when he was here either.

 

MARVIN:  He was only here for a night. Figured he’d rather go out.

 

WHIZZER:  Is that why?

 

_ (MARVIN doesn’t respond. Instead, he sits on the couch. He doesn’t look at WHIZZER. Silence. For a while.) _

 

MARVIN:  Why are you here?

 

WHIZZER:  You tell me. 

 

MARVIN:  I didn’t ask for you to come.

 

WHIZZER:  Don’t you want me around?

 

MARVIN:  No-- Yes-- Not… Not like this.

 

_ (WHIZZER stands and turns to the door.) _

 

MARVIN:  Where are you going?

 

WHIZZER:  You said you didn’t want me here.

 

MARVIN:  I didn’t / say--

 

WHIZZER:  Fine, you said you didn’t want me here like  _ this.  _

 

MARVIN:  I don’t.

 

WHIZZER:  So…

 

MARVIN:  But since you made the trip…

 

WHIZZER:  But if you don’t want me here-- / because you

 

MARVIN:  I just said you could stay

 

WHIZZER:  said you don’t want me here like this and you know I can’t be here any other way--then I won’t be here. I have better things I could be doing, you know.

 

MARVIN:  Sure.

 

WHIZZER:  I’m telling the truth. You’d be surprised at the nightlife up there. I mean better bars than the ones in the village even. And no back room bullshit either / just--

 

MARVIN:  I get it.

 

WHIZZER:  I just mean that if you don’t want me to stay, / I’ll--

 

MARVIN:  Sit down, Whizzer.

 

WHIZZER:  Sitting.

 

_ (He does so. They sit in silence for a while. MARVIN still won’t look at WHIZZER. WHIZZER watches MARVIN closely.) _

 

WHIZZER:  You haven’t gone out at all, since…

 

MARVIN:  I tried once.

 

WHIZZER:  And?

 

MARVIN:  And I missed you.

 

WHIZZER:  Marvin, you have to--

 

MARVIN:  I know. 

 

WHIZZER:  This isn’t living.

 

MARVIN:  I know.

 

WHIZZER:  But you don’t care.

 

MARVIN:  Maybe someday I will.

 

WHIZZER:  When is “someday”? Cause we both know / that you--

 

MARVIN:  _(Finally looking at WHIZZER)_ “Someday” means “someday”, okay? It’s only been a month. “Someday” means longer than that. Longer than a fucking…

 

_ (Silence. MARVIN looks away from WHIZZER again.) _

 

WHIZZER:  I don’t really have anywhere better to be.

 

MARVIN:  I know.

 

WHIZZER:  I wish I could be here. Really here. All the time.

 

MARVIN:  I know. Me too.

 

WHIZZER:  …

Hey,

remember when I tried making latkes?

 

MARVIN:  How could I forget?

 

WHIZZER:  I mostly remember a lot of blood.

 

MARVIN:  Definitely not Kosher.

 

WHIZZER: _(_ __la_ ughing)  _ Never looked at a cheese grater the same way again.

 

MARVIN:  I still don’t understand how there was  _ so  _ much blood.

 

WHIZZER:  It’s a mystery.

...

But then we came home from the hospital and ordered pizza and stood right there. And lit the candles and stumbled over blessings…

 

MARVIN:  I remember.

 

WHIZZER:  The nicest near-death experience a girl could ask for.

 

MARVIN: It wasn’t a near-death experience.

 

WHIZZER: That's not my point.

 

MARVIN: No, I know what your point is.

 

WHIZZER:  What's my point?

 

MARVIN:  You think I should light it.

 

WHIZZER:  I do.

 

MARVIN:  Why?

 

WHIZZER:  I think you need it.

 

MARVIN:  I don’t need it.

…

Besides, I don’t like lighting it alone.

 

WHIZZER:  I’m here.

 

MARVIN:  You’re not… You don’t count.

 

WHIZZER:  _ (gasps)  _ Oh, Marvin, I’m hurt!

 

MARVIN:  You’ll get over it.

 

WHIZZER: ...

A few thousand years ago, a Jewish city was conquered by Greeks.

 

MARVIN:  I know the goddamn Chanukkah story.

 

WHIZZER: And they were ruthless. And anti-Semitic as hell. And they killed and raped and pillaged and the Jews weren’t allowed to practice their, you know, Judaism. And if they did, they were tortured and murdered.

 

MARVIN:  And then the Maccabees defied all odds and rose up against them and defeated the mighty Greeks. Yes. I know. What’s your point?

 

WHIZZER:  Just wait. I’m not done. Because the Greeks / also destroyed all the oil--

 

MARVIN:  Jesus fucking Christ

 

WHIZZER:  No, actually, Jesus came later.

 

MARVIN:  You’re really intent on finishing this story, aren’t you?

 

WHIZZER:  Yes. I am.

 

MARVIN:  _(_ _ sighing)  _ Go on, then.

 

WHIZZER:  Where was I?

 

MARVIN:  The oil.

 

WHIZZER:  Right. The oil.

So, they destroy this oil that was meant to keep this fire lit. And the fire was some shit about God, like apparently they always had to have light in the temple or something? You know, for God.

 

MARVIN:  Wow, you’re great at this.

 

WHIZZER:  I didn’t spend all my formative years in Hebrew school, alright? My education was purely Christian-normative.

And yet I still know the prayers better than you do, so you can’t fucking talk.

 

MARVIN:  I’m just saying, if you’re gonna tell the story…

 

WHIZZER:  Yeah, yeah, just let me finish, asshole.

Alright.

So, they destroy all this important oil and so they need to make more, which takes them eight days, but they only have oil for one day, so there’s no way it’ll stay lit long enough. But they use that oil anyway, cause might as well give it a shot, you know? And then, lo and behold, it stayed lit for the full eight days and they got more oil, and they could keep the fire going as long as they needed it. 

 

MARVIN:  And so now we represent that with eight days of lighting candles and eating latkes and spinning dreidels. So, again, what’s your point?

 

WHIZZER:  My point is that they never gave up. They never just laid down and died. It’s a story about life. And survival. And hope. Against impossible odds.

And we all need more of that right now.

MARVIN: That's cliched as all hell.

 

WHIZZER: Maybe. But that doesn't make me wrong.

 

_ (MARVIN downs the rest of his drink in one gulp. He gets up to pour himself another. When he’s in the kitchen, WHIZZER starts rifling through the living room cabinets. MARVIN, with his newly full glass, returns from the kitchen and watches him search. Eventually, WHIZZER finds what he’s looking for, and stands up, holding a box of chanukkah candles and a box of matches. He carries them past MARVIN, into the kitchen and opens a few drawers, before pulling out a roll of tin foil. He carries all three items to the menorah. He pulls a sheet of tin foil from the roll and places it under the menorah. He pulls out nine candles and places them in their holds. He sets the box of matches on the mantle. Then, he steps back and sits back down in the armchair. MARVIN waits for a while, before slowly approaching the menorah. He stands and stares. Slowly, he picks up the box of matches. He lights one, but lets it burn until it almost reaches his fingers before shaking the flame out. He does this again one or two times, before finally lighting the  shammash.  He picks it up, but doesn’t light any more candles.) _

 

WHIZZER:  Did you forget the prayers?

 

MARVIN:  I know the prayers.

 

_ (MARVIN stands there holding the  _ shammash  _ for a while longer.) _

 

WHIZZER:  _ Baruch atah / Adonai-- _

 

MARVIN:  I know the prayers!

 

WHIZZER:  Okay.

 

MARVIN:  _ Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech Haolam…. Asher…  _ uh,  _ asher _ …

 

WHIZZER:  _ kedi/shanu _

 

MARVIN:  _ Kedishanu! _

 

_ (MARVIN can’t keep going with the blessing and still doesn’t light any more candles. WHIZZER stands up and walks closer to MARVIN, though he still keeps a distance.) _

 

WHIZZER:  It’s okay, Marvin.

 

MARVIN:  I didn’t forget, I just can’t...

 

WHIZZER:  I know.

...

_ Baruch atah Adonai… _

 

_ (MARVIN lights the first four candles slowly.) _

 

WHIZZER:  _ Eloheinu Melech Haolam… _

 

_ (MARVIN lights the last four. Slowly.) _

 

WHIZZER:  _ asher kideshanu bemitzvotav… _

 

_ (MARVIN melts the wax at the bottom of the  shammash  and sets it back in its hold.) _

 

WHIZZER:  _ vetzivanu lehadlik ner shel Chanukkah. _

 

MARVIN:  _ (to himself)  _ Blessed are You, Adonai, Our God, Ruler of the universe, who has sanctified us with Your commandments, and commanded us to kindle the Chanukkah light, and how faithfully I did so, year after year. And what do I get in return?

 

WHIZZER:  _ Baruch atah Adonai… _

 

_ (MARVIN stands back and watches the flames. And the world around the flames.) _

 

WHIZZER:  _ Elohenu Melech Haolam… _

 

_ (MARVIN shifts his focus to WHIZZER.) _

 

WHIZZER:  _ sheasa nisim laavotenu… _

 

_ (MARVIN reaches out his hand to him, but WHIZZER doesn’t take it. He can’t. He shakes his head. MARVIN drops his hand and turns back to the menorah.) _

 

WHIZZER:  _ (Softer now.) bayamim hahem bizman hazeh. _

 

MARVIN:  Blessed are You, Adonai, Our God, Ruler of the Universe, who performed miracles for our forefathers in those days, at this time, but who couldn’t perform a single miracle in these days, at this time, when I needed it most. When we all needed it most.

 

WHIZZER:  _ Baruch Atah Adonai… _

 

MARVIN:  Adonai, Our God, I want to see life and miracle and hope in these flames.

 

WHIZZER:  _ Elohenu Melech Haolam… _

 

MARVIN:  Ruler of the Universe, how badly I want to see what I once did in this light.

 

WHIZZER:  _ shehecheyanu v'kiy'manu… _

 

MARVIN:  Adonai, Our God, Ruler of the Universe, I want to see the life and the miracle and the hope in these flames, in this light, in this warmth. I want to see what I once saw. I’m trying. But these candles, they melt, and these flames, they flicker, and this light, it burns out. And the room turns cold and it turns dark, not eight days later, but in maybe half an hour. Adonai, Our God, Ruler of the Universe, there is no miracle here, just the fading light of a dying fire.

 

WHIZZER:  _ v'higiyanu laz'man hazeh. _

 

MARVIN:  Blessed are You, Adonai, Our God, Ruler of the universe, who has taken his life, destroyed us, and left us broken and empty on this occasion. Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the Universe, but blessed I am not. And, Adonai, Our God, Ruler of the Universe, I can’t sit here and watch these flames die out.  _ (turning to WHIZZER) _ I can’t sit here and watch another flame die out. 

I hope you understand.

 

_ (WHIZZER watches as MARVIN blows out the candles. As soon as he does, the living room lamp shuts off, the stage goes dark again and WHIZZER disappears. MARVIN is left, as in the beginning, alone in a dark room.) _

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!
> 
> Happy Chanukkah!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @poledancingghostson


End file.
